Vader
by swantje
Summary: Why does Vader return to the light side at the end of ROTJ? one shot to explain his volteface.


Disclaimer – I don't own Star Wars. George Lucas does. So I don't get any profit from this, I do it for fun!

**Vader**

He desired more than not now to be left alone, so that he could contemplate what he should do, what he _had_ to do. What he was now that all that he had held dear was gone, and he was held here in this form, this despicable shape. Oh how he longed for death, for freedom. As a child he had hated the bondage of slavery that had tied him to his master. Later he had viewed the Jedi with the same contempt, oh, how ironic, that he the most powerful of all had been too blind to see that the greatest slavery of all was to willing subordinate yourself to the will of another. One he could never suborn, one who would be forever stronger than himself. Death, was what he longed for beyond all else – whatever happened to the spirits of the damned could not be worse than this unlife, for without Padme, he did not live, he simply existed. He was not human; he was inhuman - stronger, cleverer and more wrathful than any other.

Yet, though none knew it, nay even suspected, he was _not_ Darth Vader – no he was still Anakin Skywalker; but he was trapped beneath in a small place within his own mind, which like everything else now belonged to the Sith imposed, dark persona that was everything he had been trained not to be 'Darth Vader'. Yes, Padme had been right, when she had said all that time ago that he seemed like a different person, one that she did not know: it had been true, all that he had been was extinguished the moment he pledged allegiance to Darth Sidious. How otherwise could he have killed his wife and battled his master almost to the death. Yet it had not been him – somehow as if his personality had split in half that day he became a Sith. Everything that had made him Jedi had been siffoned off into this, well this subordinate personality, which only existed in the mind of Darth Vader and which he was not even aware of. Although he was sure Padme had known; they'd always shared a luminous connection through the force, and he knew that she'd known Darth Vader was not _him_ per se. While everything of him: his anger, his pain, his suffering and his hatred had become amplified in Darth Vader.

It had been strange when he had first awoken in this dark place and only slowly realised that he was in fact trapped in his own mind. A mind that was as alien to him, as that of Palpantine had been. And he'd watched through Vader's eyes all that had occurred all those years and didn't like what he saw. The Jedi order destroyed, himself killing children, destroying entire worlds… and never had he found enough strength to regain control over his evil persona and his own body. However, he hadn't been even able to attempt it without enough sufficient strength because if he failed, Vader would know of his existence and the Emperor would also know… and that would be most unfortunate. And so he waited. For what he didn't know… perhaps one day the moment would come when Vader and the Emperor would be distracted and he could destroy both.

Several years later the moment came: Vader had been knocked into a coma and Anakin was able temporarily to reassert control of his own body, or rather what was left of it… and he had reached into the force blindly looking for any, any Jedi at all. And there had been nothing, vast reaches of nothing in the light side of the force; pure yes, but also empty, not as it had been when the force had fluctuated in beautiful colours and moods pierced by the presences of the force signatures of the numerous Jedi. Now he sensed nothing and felt terrible guilt and pain, it was after all his fault. But on an outer rim planet he finally sensed something, no not something, Yoda. He had survived then! And reaching out, he had projected his conscious to the verdant world of Dagobah, where his appearance startled the meditating Yoda. Who had looked up and seen him immediately, shocked even. For several minutes Yoda considered him: and then drew out of his musings: 'so Anakin you are, Darth Vader you are not, dead you are not?' Considering his reply, Anakin felt his guilt growing. Yoda should not be living solitarily on this deserted planet, had he not betrayed the Jedi, Yoda would be in his rightful place, in the Jedi temple. Yet he answered: 'Master Yoda, while I know that this is fruitless, I apologise for my betrayal, for all the death I have caused' bowing his head.

Ignoring his apology, Yoda focussed on him. "How this possible is? You are Jedi, yet you are also Sith, although you are not the sith." Suddenly he grinned, "Trapped you are, forced to watch you are. Do any of this through free will you did not. Welcome back Jedi Skywalker, what took so long?" And Anakin tried to explain his plan, and Yoda meditated on his unique situation before he had to return to the confines of his own mind. Later, coming out of a force trance Yoda looked deep into the incorporeal spirit of the renegade Jedi and sighed deeply. Perhaps the prophecy could still be fulfilled: he had seen a glimpse of the future – "Kill the emperor you will, when he kills the last Jedi". Shocked Anakin had been full of hope, until he remembered the latter: the last Jedi? However Yoda had refused to elaborate. Although it made sense he mused, perhaps Yoda had carried on training Jedi in secret here on this hidden world. But surely Palpantine would sense it?

Feeling the urgency and darkness swarm him, he had bade his farewells to Yoda in the traditional manner and decided to return to his sanctuary within Vader's mind. And several seconds later, Yoda had felt the presence of Vader return to the force, the evil darkness that encompassed the galaxy. The meeting with one thought lost had been strange… when Yoda had last seen him he had been arrogant, ambitious and unwilling to give up Padme for the Jedi. He had still sensed that longing for Padme, yet obviously the long years had tempered Jedi Skywalker, because how ever impossible it seemed: Jedi Skywalker and Darth Vader were two distinct personalities. And as they had agreed, when the time was right Anakin would kill the emperor, what he had neglected to tell the boy was that the last Jedi would be his son. Or that he would not survive the encounter. But he had sensed that Skywalker had needed hope, cut off as he was from everything, including the force.

Years later, as Vader watched dispassionately as Luke lay dying beneath the Emperor's force lightening; Anakin remembered Yoda's prophecy from so long before; 'the last Jedi', his _son_ was _dying_ and bringing all the mental control he had, Anakin pushed out Vader into the darkness. And he advanced towards the Emperor, drawing the lightning from his son. Reaching out with the force he had used it to block Luke off from the Emperor and had pushed him off into the power generator of the second death star. Exhausted and weak from the Emperor's attacks he buckled over onto the floor, glad he had finally fulfilled his purpose. Many years too late he had at last fulfilled his destiny as the chosen one. But the cost was high: he was dying; he could feel it… the access to the force almost drowned him now, after so many years cut off from it. And his son, his brave son was alive, not dead! Anakin could sense that he would be the Jedi he himself should have been but had been too selfish and blinded to be.

'Father, father, I knew there was good in you!' And those words of filial love were all that Anakin needed to hear to give up this life and become one with the force.


End file.
